As you have probably
noticed, there are no meteors falling from the sky, no zombie hordes eating
people’s brains, no Day After Tomorrow-style
ice ages, and no other earth-destroying force wiping out all of humanity.
That’s right,
people. We’ve survived the
Apocalypse. Yippee.
But you know, I have
been giving it a lot of thought, and it has come to my attention that there are
many, many theories regarding the way in which the world will end, and for the
most part, I find myself a bit underwhelmed.
Don’t get me wrong; a
zombie hoard gnawing on my flesh would be terrifying, if not a little
gross. However, everyone has thought of
that scenario. Everyone has thought of
the meteors and the weather shifts that throw the environment out of
balance. I mean, what has Al Gore been
talking about all this time, huh?
Obviously, he was trying to warn us about the Apocalypse.
Anyway, I wanted to
think up some better or more creative ways for the world to end. So here’s my personal list:
1. Everyone gets infected by some love
virus (go with it), we all get into a giant orgy and finally die from too much
sex.
2. By some sort of magic
something/alternate timeline, we find out that all of our favorite fictional
characters are actually real…and kill us all to gain control over our world.
3. Evil Abed and Evil Troy make this
the darkest timeline.
4. What happened at the end of Cabin in the Woods (because that was
pretty awesome).
5. Giant lobsters.
6. Aliens come and bake everyone into a
huge, worldwide birthday cake (or Jell-O mold).
7. Paper becomes sentient (it happens)
and gives everyone huge paper cuts…and then they get infected and turn everyone
into paper monsters.
8. In order to take over the world, The
Abominable Snowman recruits Frosty the Snowman and all the other snowmen…and
cause a huge ice age okay, so I couldn’t help it—at least it wasn’t caused by
global warming, though).
9. A chemical spill causes all water
sources to become completely sour, so when we go to drink water, our faces
pucker and get stuck that way.
And finally…
10. Giant lobster robots.
I know, I know. Many of these scenarios (all) are ridiculous,
make little sense, and are highly impossible.
But hey, so is thinking that the Mayans knew when the world was going to
end.
Happy
Surviving-the-Apocalypse Friday,
Shannon
