The Virtues of Eye Patches (and Other Alternatives for the Visually-Impaired)

Have you ever spent nearly an entire day squinting out of one eye or holding your hand over one eye so that you can clearly see what’s right in front of you because otherwise you’d be looking through a big, blurry lens all day?  Well, that was my day in a nutshell.

Like many visually-impaired people, I wear contacts every day, only taking them out at night.  Though I have glasses, I just find contact lenses more functional overall.  Wearing glasses tends to give me a headache or hurt my ears after an extended period of time, and there have been many instances (typically during my time in theatre or when doing physical activities) when I just couldn’t wear glasses at all, either for fear that they would break or because the character I was playing didn’t wear glasses.

Plus, I like being able to choose my eye color.  If I could, I’d go all out and get demon-red or blackout contacts.  Or contacts with the Batman symbol on them.

However, like everything else, there is a definite downside to wearing contacts.  After having worn contacts for many years, I can say with certainty that taking contacts in and out is no longer a difficult task.  You just get used to the feeling. 

The real problem comes whenever anything (from an eyelash to a piece of dust) gets in your eye.  Then you’re in trouble.  Sometimes it’s a relatively simple matter to get the irritating something-or-other out of your eye.  You can roll your eye around in the socket, try to take the contact out and reapply saline to it, flush out your eye with water, etc.  Most times, these methods work, and aside from a little redness, the feeling of burning and aching goes away.

Then there are times when you cannot for the life of you manage to get the offending object out of your eye.  You know it’s there.  You can feel something.  The pain is a dead giveaway.  But still it persists in tormenting you, until finally you want to jab a fork in your eye and let the tears hopefully wash away whatever is bothering you.

Okay, maybe that’s a little overdramatic.  A little.

Of course, there are days like today when it isn’t your eye that’s causing the problem, but the contact lens itself.  Yes, my contact lens was plotting against me.  As I noticed the rip in the lens, I resignedly threw it away and had to send the rest of the day with one eye dark green and the other my natural hazel.  (And this was first thing in the morning after I got to work, so I couldn’t really do anything about it; I also didn’t have my glasses on hand at the time.)

After days like today (which seem to occur more frequently than not), I feel like eye patches should be considered an acceptable alternative to traditional eyewear.  Pirates wear them all the time, and we all know how fashionable they can be (if you overlook the poor hygiene and scurvy).  Hell, Nick Fury of The Avengers wears one!  And if anyone can make an eye patch look badassalicious, it’s Nick Fury. 

Maybe I can get a custom-made eye patch, like one decorated with flowers or stars…or the Batman symbol (if you can’t tell, I have a thing for Batman).  Wouldn’t that be awesome?  Just think how amazingly comfortable that would be, especially compared to those suffering from contact lens uprisings.

I think we should stop limiting our eyewear choices, and we should especially make eye patches more acceptable and more accessible to women (who have been grossly overlooked by the eye patch market, in my opinion). 

It’s time eye patches came back in style, and maybe (just maybe) we can lead the charge against eye patch oppression everywhere!

Failing that, I think I’d settle for a nifty monocle like the Monopoly guy's. 

Happy Eye Patch Wednesday to all,

Shannon